Muhamad Fathurahman

Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be loved by me... Is it like warm soup on a rainy night? Or like hugging a friend you haven’t seen in years? Does it feel like coming home after a long, exhausting trip? Like finally getting to rest after pushing yourself too hard? Or is it too much? Too heavy? Does it feel like being trapped instead of held? Like tension you can’t escape? Like background noise you’d rather turn off? Like trying to speak but never being heard? Am I too intense? Too distant? Too hard to love? Why does thinking about it hurt so much, like I’m already grieving something I never even had?

Well, like learning any other language or whatever it is, you gotta start somewhere, right?  Learn the basics, get the rules down, and then just throw yourself into English as much as you can Let me give you some examples... Here are a few questions to think about What Are You Watching? What do you watch on a daily basis, YouTube, podcasts, that kind of stuff? Is it in English? If not, start switching to some English content   I's honestly one of the easiest ways to get better without even trying that hard. Movies and Series? Movies and streaming series. If the original language is English, use English subtitles. This way you can actually understand what they're saying, improve your listening, and yeah, start recognizing how people actually talk in English. And that's the informal way to do it, and I'm still doing this stuff regularly. I even write my journal or diary in English without giving a crap about grammar or rules, because honestly, I still suck at it. I'm ...

A month ago, if you'd told me I'd be drinking coffee daily, I would have laughed and called it ridiculous. I was a tea person through and through, a devoted fan of jasmine tea. Ah, the aroma was pure pleasure to my senses. But today? Yes, I'm drinking coffee almost every day. Americano, to be specific, instant iced roast from a certain brand.The beauty of it is the convenience. No need for coffee filters or any elaborate setup. Just pour some water, and you're good to go.To be honest, the shift happened out of necessity. I had an event that left me sleep-deprived for about five days straight. Coffee became essential.So now, my mornings usually start with an americano, even if it's just instant coffee.

Sometimes, the hardest step isn't moving forward, so what it is? It's simply beginning again. Starting a weight loss journey for the second (or third) time? It feels overwhelming.  Picking up a book after months of not reading? The first page feels impossibly heavy.  Opening yourself to a relationship again after heartbreak? The vulnerability alone can be paralyzing. Even returning to work after a break, or writing when the mood isn't there, like right now, requires pushing through invisible resistance. Maybe the answer really is just to start. But that's precisely what makes it so difficult. The weight of past attempts, the memory of previous failures, the knowledge of how much effort lies ahead, it all added up into something that feels impossible to overcome. Tet here's what I'm learning: the mood doesn't have to define what we're capable of. Action often precedes motivation, not the other way around.  The perfect moment rarely arrives on its own. Som...

Almost every day, I commute to work by train... the infamous KRL.  As many know, it's always crowded because countless people rely on trains for their daily commute.  I simply can't endure a total of two hours or more riding a motorcycle to and from work. Maybe I'm not built for it, or perhaps I've found better ways to use my commuting time. You might guess what I do: reading. Unlike riding a motorcycle or driving a car, where you need to focus entirely on the road, train commuting frees up mental space. Having a chauffeur or personal driver might offer similar benefits, but that's not an option for most of us. I can read many things during my commute: fiction or nonfiction books, documents, regulations, and yes, even social media!  Although scrolling isn't my preferred activity while commuting.  There's also the benefit of walking. Commuting by train naturally increases daily physical activity: taking stairs, moving between platforms, catching trains. These...

There's something I love about the rainy season, it's the vibe, the temperature that makes it perfect to stay indoors or take a nap, and the pleasant smell of rain... However, when you have to commute home on a motorcycle from the station, and there's flooding along the route, it becomes quite bummer  Or when you forget to bring your raincoat or umbrella, especially when carrying electronics that can't get wet. Recent research has also revealed that rainwater in Indonesian cities contains microplastics. Studies confirm that microplastics have been detected in various human organs and can cross the blood-brain barrier, which is concerning... We still need rain tho, and it's blessing from the Creator